New Sketch: History’s First Mascot

Orrin Konheim
4 min readFeb 8, 2024

This came from a sketch class from Bad Medicine, and I have to credit some of my classmates and instructors for helping me develop this.

History’s First Mascot:

Setting: A Battlefield in the Revolutionary War. There is substantial distance from the back lines and the front lines, and this conversation is happening in the back line.

Characters: The Mascot, General Westinghouse, Colonel Har[sichord, Squire Boy, Revolutionary War Extras

Scene 1: The back lines in the forest

Westinghouse: Colonel Harpsichord, what say you?

Harpsichord: General Westinghouse, good news from the front lines.

Westinghouse: Are we finally pushing back the British? I would think after Bunker Hill, we’d be on the offensive against the Red Coasts on the New England front.

Harpsichord: Oh no, we’re losing, but one of our minuteman just came up with a sporting idea that is really going to improve morale.

Westinghouse: Well, initiative from the bottom has always been something I value. Tell me this soldier’s name so I can offer him an additional stipend if his idea works.

Harpsichord: Oh, we can’t do that. He insists on something called “method acting” and his face is covered. He only wishes to be identified as the mascot.

Westinghouse: My good man, I’m not sure what this method acting or mascot is that you speak of, but as Voltaire says, selflessness is a great virtue. Let’s meet the chap.

Harpsichord: He should be coming now….(Mascot arrives into view)

Westinghouse: This man appears to be dressed in regalia and an enormous paper machete version of his head. I’m not sure I’m seeing the strategic advantage in this. What say you, minuteman?

[Mascot waves and gives a thumbs up]

Westinghouse: Is he mute?

Harpsichord: Oh no, he doesn’t speak, that’s part of his thing.

Westinghouse: Colonel Harpsichord, I don’t have all day. What is his big idea?

[Mascot points at himself, then points to the battlefield, then shows himself, jumping up and down with excitement, and points to the battlefield and jumps up and down with excitement]

Westinghouse: Harpsichord, have you had too much arsenic in your tea? This minuteman is…

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Orrin Konheim

Freelance journalist w/professional bylines in 3 dozen publications, writing coach, google me. Patreon: http://www.patreon/com/okjournalist Twitter: okonh0wp